


I got nothing

by Ephedris



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, I got inspiried by the alternative realities idea there, Little fluff at the end, also, and draco starts to think of what he and Hermione had once, and sorry for that, based loosely on cursed child plot, because I couldn't stand them being unhappy, but it is pure angst, here you go, i added second part, just trail of thoughts of what could have been, so pretty much scorpius is curious, soooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-02 05:10:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ephedris/pseuds/Ephedris
Summary: One innocent question from his son causes Draco to reminisce about his past and think about all the choices he made in his life, wondering if maybe there was another way? One innocent question about him and Hermione Granger and the relationship they once had…





	1. I got nothing

**Author's Note:**

> SO, I’ve finally made myself to read „Cursed Child” and even though I don’t feel like it’s truly canon and I didn’t agree with some of the things they did there I still enjoyed it and it gave me an idea for this fic. I am not even sure where did it come from but when Scorpius and Albus were travelling through all those alternative realities I was like ‘And what about the alternative where Hermione and Malfoy would be married?’. Crazy thought which resulted in THIS fic. 
> 
> It is a first one I’m publishing for HP and Dramione so I hope you will like it and that I made justice with portraying them both. Enjoy and any kind of feedback is always welcomed! <3
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters here, just borrowing them. All rights go to J. K. Rowling.

                „Dad?”

                „Yes, Scorpius?”

                „Can I ask you something?”

                Draco Malfoy looked at his son briefly and with a small smile he nodded.

                “What is it?”

                “It’s just… When Albus and I went back in time, we… We landed in those alternative realities of our world.”

                “I’m aware. What about it?”

                “And in one of those realities, you and Rose’s mum… You… Uhm… Were together.” The boy quickly spitted out last words, afraid that if he won’t tell them now, he’ll never get the courage to say them out loud.

                His father stopped abruptly and turned around, looking at his son, his brow raising questioningly and a look of surprise on his face.

                “Rose’s mum? You mean Hermione Granger?”

                “Yes.”

                “And what do you mean that we ‘were together’?” Draco cleared his throat, praying so that his voice wouldn’t tremble and betray his curiosity.

                “Well, you know…” Scorpius looked away from his father’s face, nervously twisting his fingers. “You were… Married.”

                If it’s possible Draco’s brows raised even higher, this time a look of pure shock crossing his face.

                “Married?” He repeated, his voice strangely hollow, not a trace of single emotion in it. “Me and Hermione Granger?”

                “Yes.”

                For a moment Draco seemed absent, his gaze looking somewhere far, far away, almost like it was locked on some kind of invisible point in front of him, or almost like for a moment he was lost in his own thoughts, own memories, taking him back in time. Until finally he cleared his throat and looked at his son.

                “What exactly is your question, Scorpius?”

                “I was just thinking… Albus told me stories how you and her always hated each other at school and then you were married _there_ , so… I was just wondering… What is the truth? Was there anything between the two of you?” He raised his blue eyes, the mirror image of his father’s, with a pure curiosity, the kind only an innocent child can have.

                Draco didn’t answer at first. He looked up again and his gaze almost involuntarily moved and stopped on figure of Hermione Granger, standing not so far away, right now being deeply involved in a conversation with Ginny and Harry. _Him and Hermione Granger… Was there anything between them?_

This one single thought seemed to open that part of his brain that he thought was shut a long, long time ago. That one, innocent question his son asked and his mind was flooded with the memories of the past, the ones he hoped never to think of again, the memories of those few, precious times that for just a brief moment she truly seemed like someone else to him, like someone… _More…_

_But was there ever anything between them?_

                 _Was it that single glance of admiration she shot him once, during elixir classes? Was it that moment when for the first time in forever he actually managed to be better than her, to excel at something higher than she? He expected nothing more than offended sneer coming from her mouth, a hateful gaze full of jealousy and anger that someone could have been better than her. But no. Instead he saw nothing but a pure respect when their eyes met, the same one he so often hid in his own eyes, not allowing himself to show how much he admired the witch, who was already called the brightest of their age._

_Or was it the day when for the first time ever she truly smiled to him? He couldn’t even properly remember what was that about, but he remembered saying something offensive and yet hilarious about Mr. Filch, just one of his many jokes, followed by his well-known smirk. And that’s when he heard a soft snort and his eyes immediately shifted, noticing the familiar bush of curly hair and seeing how Hermione Granger’s lips curled in a smile. It wasn’t a grimace of disapproval or her usual sneer, present on her face whenever he was saying something. No. It was an actual smile, caused by his joke and for a moment he was taken aback, part of him surprised that someone like her could smile at his terrible joke attempts but also that other part of him, wanting to say something equally offensive about her, making fun of her. But when her deep brown eyes met his and the smile didn’t disappear from her face, no, on the contrary, it only grew bigger, even softer, his once opened mouth closed, not capable of saying a single word…_

_Or maybe it was the day of the Yule ball? When for the first time in his life he noticed, truly noticed, that a girl he once despised, the girl he called Mudblood on so many occasions, suddenly started to change into a woman? And a beautiful one? Though he joined his friends in making laugh of everyone, at the same time he couldn’t avert his eyes from her silhouette, that pink dress being the only thing he could truly notice in the crowd of other people… And then he found her sitting on the stairs, her makeup being a mess, faint traces of mascara rolling down her cheeks, with her tears, when she was hugging her knees, hidden in the far corner of the castle. He heard her fight with Weasley minutes before and the only thing stronger than the urge to punch the idiot in the face was how to make her feel better… The thought itself was so surprising to him back then that he greeted her with another snarky comment, almost immediately regretting it when her swollen and red eyes met his, another tears forming in it. She even told him to leave her alone, to back off, but he didn’t. Instead he came closer, being aware of her eyes following his movements carefully, almost like she was expecting it was some kind of a trick. But he just sat down next to her, saying something about Weasley being an idiot, which was met with her snort and her eyes averting from him, not wanting to admit that her thoughts were the same. Was it that moment of solitude, when he reached out to her, putting a comforting hand on her arm? His thumb gently caressing her bare skin? He could not help but notice that she flinched under his touch at first, almost like it was something disgusting and it took all of his willpower to leave the hand exactly where it was. It took seconds, maybe minutes, but finally she covered his hand with her own, warm, trembling and they were sitting there, in silence, not a single word spoken between them…_

_Or was it that embarrassing moment in the library? When he was so lost in his thoughts he literally bumped into her? He could remember books and parchments flying around when they both fell to the floor, looking at each other with surprise. ‘Watch where you’re going, Granger’ he told her back then, well aware of all the eyes locked on them in that moment. If he would apologize to her, it would be the biggest gossip of the week and he could not allow to destroy his reputation, even if it meant being terrible to the girl he started to care about. Her eyes squinted in that moment, her cold gaze meeting his until finally she turned her back to him and murmuring loud swearwords she started to collect her things. He stood up himself, dusting off and moved his gaze over her silhouette, thinking that suddenly her hair looked less bushy than usual, curls gently flowing around her blushed face. He came closer to her and with a sigh he reached out to her, extending his hand. Her eyes widened,  for a moment eyeing him and his hand, curiously, before she grabbed it hesitantly and he helped her to her feet. She murmured a ‘thank you’ and hugged the books closer to her, yet still standing in front of him, looking up from behind her eyelashes. And he? He was an idiot who was thinking of anything to say, anything that could keep her here, for a moment longer, anything that would actually allow him to spend a bit more time in her presence. If he remembered correctly, he apologized and then asked her about the homework, noticing the bunch of books about transfiguration she had in her hands. She just sighed, shaking her head and to his own surprise admitting how hard was the next essay she had to write. He couldn’t remember how exactly did that happen, but soon they were sitting together, arm to arm, hidden from the prying eyes in the far end of the library, books open, feathers screeching against the parchments, when they were both writing their essays, talking, truly talking with each other for the first time…_

_Or was that this hug she gave him during the sixth year? One of the worsts years he had in this damned school? This memory was still fresh in his mind, carved into it, refusing to go away. He was just entering the Main Hall and the first person he noticed was Katie Bell, talking to Potter. He could still feel the same weight in his stomach right now as he did back then, when their  eyes met and for a split of seconds he could only think of how he could have killed her, how this one reckless mission he couldn’t deny was almost a death wish for her and for him. He noticed Potter looking at him and suddenly he couldn’t breathe, tie around his neck feeling like a loop, suffocating him. He turned around and started to run, not looking where or if someone was following him, he just wanted to run away. When he got to the bathroom, his trembling hands started to take off his tie, his sweater, leaving him only in his shirt, his lungs finally remembering how it is to breathe again. The cold water splashed over his face was the little he could do to regain the composure he was always so proud of. But back then it was for nothing. He looked at his own reflection, a tired, pale boy, who was made to grow up too quickly, thrown into adult’s business against his own will and being trained to be a puppet he didn’t want to be. But he didn’t have any choice… He could still remember how his hands were shaking, gripping the edges of the sink; he could still remember the feel of his own tears on his cheeks, falling against his will, when he was crying over everything he had lost. And then he heard footsteps, her footsteps and the battle in his head begun again. The battle between hating her, just like he was taught to do, when with one hateful word he could make her go away and make her hate him. And a battle between that other part of his heart, deeply hidden, but silently telling him to trust her, to open up to her, to let her into his heart… He was afraid to turn around, afraid to look in the mirror, knowing that he will not only see her there, but she will have to see his own reflection, broken, beaten, weak… It felt like eternity before she moved once again, this time coming closer and with no words her arms sneaked around his waist, her cheek pressed to his back, when she hugged his fragile body to hers from behind. He was too surprised by her gesture to do anything at first, until finally he realized that her warmth, the weight of her small body against his back, the gentle touch of her hands, were exactly what he needed. Holding his breath he turned around, finally looking at her, ready to see the pity in her eyes, or maybe even the derision of him being so weak. But of course, he found none. Instead he met the eyes full of compassion, full of worry and he wrapped his own arms around her, hiding his face into her hair, hugging her like she was the only anchor to this world, keeping him sane…_

_Or was it the look in her eyes when being a coward he chose the easier path of following his parents, instead of fighting for what he really believed in? They all knew the battle of Hogwart was lost, they all knew that Harry Potter, their hero, the only person that had a chance to win, was dead. He could still remember the cold of that day, rain falling from above, dark clouds gathering around and the two different groups, standing in front of each other. One, wanting nothing more but destruction, power, worshipping Voldemort like a god, like their savior. And the other one, bigger, yet weaker, group of teachers and students, who got beaten, all hope lost. And he was among them, student just like the rest of them, broken, beaten, not so long ago fighting for the school he learned to love over last years. Until their parents called him. Until their urging voices were echoing around the silent place, telling him to join them, to come back to the legacy he was always meant to have. His throat was tight, making it unable to swallow, to breathe, that huge something being stuck in there. His fingers clenched around his wand even stronger, knuckles already white, when he could feel tears gathering in his eyes, tears threatening of spilling, tears caused by yet another moment when he had no choice. He never truly had, never in his life, despite of all the things Hermione had told him before. He had to play his part, be the man his parents always wanted him to be, even if it meant betraying everything and everyone he believed in. He flinched by his father’s voice, knowing that it was now or never. And then he started to walk. His slow footsteps were echoing around the walls and he could feel everyone’s eyes on his thin figure walking through the place. He didn’t care about their eyes, didn’t care about their judging gazes, he cared about only one pair or brown eyes, the ones that were always looking at him so softly, so differently. Against himself, against his own rational part of the brain, he looked at her and in that moment he knew what exactly he was losing. Her eyes were as soft as always, the first person in forever that looked at him as someone more. And yet those eyes were full of betrayal, full of sadness and full of tears, when in that one painful moment she understood that he didn’t have any choice at all… And that no matter what their hearts wanted, she was never meant to be his choice...  
_

_What if he didn't listen to his parents that day? What if he found enough strength to resist and stood his ground? What if he joined the other side, what if in that moment he would stood right next to her, taking that strength he needed from her presence? What if he took her hand, pulled her closer and fought with her, arm to arm, for things they both believed in?_

_What if he did more than avert his eyes, when his aunt was torturing her in Malfoy’s Manor? What if he casted his own spell, hurting Bellatrix, maybe even killing her, so he could grab the girl into his arms and run away, as far as possible, doing everything in his power to protect her from any harm? What if he risked his own life, just so he could save hers? What if both of them would run away from the threats, this war, all the dangers that came later and changed them both?_

_And what if he did more than just hug her, in that old, dirty bathroom, when she was the only thing keeping him sane? What if he found the courage to admit to his feelings, confessing everything he was hiding so deeply? What if he kissed her back then, at least this one time being capable of feeling the taste of her lips against his own?_

_What if he asked her to dance on that Yule ball? Would she decline? Laugh it off in his face? Maybe even she would slap him, like she once did? Or maybe she would see past the barriers, those he meticulously put up throughout his whole life and she would see the real him, the one he kept hidden so deeply inside him? Maybe she would never have to cry over Weasley’s stupidity, maybe she would never have this one perfect evening destroyed, maybe then he would stand a chance…_

_Maybe if he never called her the Mudblood, never hurt her that much at first place, then she would never have a good reason to hate him? Maybe instead of enemies, they would start as friends and then become someone more?_

_Maybe if he wasn’t such a coward, allowing other’s to control his own life, he would be different? Maybe if he stood up to his parents, he wouldn’t be the broken and tired man he was now? And maybe, just maybe, that alternative reality his son saw, wouldn’t be just an alternative?_

_After all there was always something between them…_

His gaze absentmindedly moved across Hermione’s figure once again but this time she must have sensed someone was looking at her and she turned her head to the side, their eyes meeting. For a moment she was simply holding his gaze, until finally her eyes softened, just like they used to do and she smiled to him, the same smile that shocked him once and the same one that always kept him going in the darkest moments of his life. Corners of his own lips lifted in a one as well, and her gaze moved across his face, still soft, yet something else, unreadable in it, something feeling almost like _longing_ before she finally looked back, Ginny grabbing her arm as they slowly started to walk away.

_And what if she was right and he always had a choice? But he just refused to see it, always choosing the easier way? Instead the right one?_

“Dad?” His son’s voice brought him back to reality and his frowned forehead smoothed out, corners of his lips lifting in a fake smile, the one he kept on practicing for so many years.

                 _What was the point of dwelling on the past, if he couldn’t change it? What was the point of all those ‘what if’ when she could never be his?_

                 “No, Scorpius.” He lied, his eyes for the last time moving across Hermione’s silhouette, her figure slowly disappearing in the distance. “There was nothing between us…”


	2. I got you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not capable of forgetting Scorpius' question, Draco decides it's time to confront Hermione and finally find an answer to tormenting him question if there was ever anything between them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I posted the first part of this fic I didn't plan on ever making the second part, my cruel heart wanted to post the angst and just leave it there BUT... people screamed at me for leaving Draco and Hermione like this and frankly I hated myself for leaving them like this SOOO I decided to add part two after all, to cure out broken hearts and I promise, this part will heal your hearts people <3
> 
> Also thank you for all your comments and feedback, without them the second part would probably never happen so thank you and I hope you will enjoy <3

                „Draco.” Hermione smiled to the man, who entered her room. “Just give me the moment… I need to finish this…” She waved her hand, showing him that he can sit down but he kept on standing in the same spot, watching carefully as she was frantically looking for something in the papers she was holding.

                For the first time today he thought that maybe it was a bad idea after all, that maybe coming to her and admitting to what he was planning on doing wasn’t a good choice. He knew her, for the last years working right by her side, he managed to get to know her even better and he was well aware that she won’t report him for hiding something _that_ important. But… Was he really ready to get rid of it? To get rid of the only thing that could allow him to change the past? And most importantly… Was he really ready to tell her the truth?

                Since Scorpius asked him about his past, well, _their_ past, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t stop thinking of all the lost chances in his life, of all the things that could have been, things that could have happened. And he couldn’t stop thinking that there was a way to make it happen, that in the vaults of Malfoy’s Manor he had _something_ that could help him, something his father kept there hidden for all those years and something he wanted to use so badly…

                He was well aware of all the consequences of using it, of how it would alter the world he knew, of how it would change the lives of everyone, including his, that maybe it would even cause his beloved son to disappear... But that one night, when he was sitting alone in a dark room, the only light coming from the fireplace; that one night when he was sitting there for hours, holding the golden pendant in his hand, feeling its surprising warmth; when his eyes couldn’t avert from the small hourglass, closed in a few circles; when he was just a one move of his wrist away from turning it, turning it once, twice, thousands of times, just so he could turn back in time, go back and fix everything he once screwed up so badly…

                But no matter how tempting it was, how much he craved to do this, he simply couldn’t… Not only was it too great risk but some part of him was telling him that he didn’t even have a reassurance that it would work, that going back in time would change anything… Because maybe they will only land in the same spot they were in right now, or maybe the things would turn out even worse…

                “Okay, I’m done!” With a sigh, Hermione put down the papers and raised her eyes to look at Draco with a smile. “What brings you here? You said it was rather important?”

                “Because it is.” He admitted, reaching out to the pocket of his coat and pulling something out. “I guess… I guess I have something you were looking for…” He said and without hesitation put down the small object on Hermione’s desk.

                It took her barely seconds to realize what was laying in front of her and her eyes widened at the sight of it, mouth opening in a silent shock, before her gaze lifted again to look at him again.

                “Is this… Is this…”

                “The last existing time turner. At least I think it is the last one…”

                “How… How did you even get it!?”

“My father…” He answered, shrugging, but when she raised her eyebrow at him he knew that this answer won’t be sufficient. “My father loved collecting magical objects like this. It’s been hidden in Malfoy’s Manor for ages and after everything that has happened, I just…” He shrugged.

                “So you always knew about it but yet you brought it to me only now?” She raised her eyebrow even higher.

                “Yes?”

                “Can I ask why?”

                “Why did I bring it?”

                “Why did you wait so long to bring it?”

                For a moment he felt a cold sweat on his back, all the blood drained from his already pale face, when for the split of second he was thinking of any other excuse, anything else to say, just so he could spare her the truth. _But that’s why he came here at first place, isn’t it?_ To tell her the truth and finally deal with all the unresolved past he had…

                “Because I wanted to use it…” He confessed, his eyes meeting hers.

                Hermione’s eyes opened, to almost an impossible width and he could tell from the look on her face that what will happen next won’t be pleasant…

                “You wanted to WHAT!?” Draco was pretty sure that her scream could have been heard even through all of her sound muffling spells.

                “Granger, don’t get man, I just…”

                “DON’T GET MAD!?” She laughed, almost hysterically and Draco sighed.

                _He definitely shouldn’t have said that and just go with the lie…_

                “Are you out of your mind!? Do you know at what kind of danger you put not only yourself but all of us? And Scorpius!?”

                “Granger, I know the risks, just…”

                “You know the risks and you still thought about using it!? I just… I… For Godric’s sake, you’re a Ministry worker, Malfoy! What the hell is wrong with you!?”

                “If you could just let me explain…”

                “No! I don’t want to hear any explanations! I don’t want to hear your excuses! I’m still trying to process the thought of you hiding this from us, from _me_!?”

                “I told you I only _wanted_ to use it, but I didn’t!”

                “Ohh, that’s a reassurance… Should I congratulate you?”

                “Granger…”

                “How could it even cross your mind!?”

                “Because I had some unfinished business I wanted to take care of, okay?!” He burst out.

                “Unfin… Unfinished business!? So some stupid grudge you’re holding was the reason to put all of us at risk!?”

                “I lost someone once, Granger! And I wanted to fix it!” He snarled, almost immediately regretting saying it, when he saw she took a step back, a surprise on her face once again.

                _Well, that definitely wasn’t a good thing to say…_

                “I… I thought it was about something else…” She sighed, her voice much calmer now.

                “Yeah, well, if you would just let me explain, you would know…”

                “But… It still doesn’t excuse anything you wanted to do!” She sighed once again, her gaze still cold, when she crossed arms on her chest. “We lose people all the time! What would happen if suddenly everyone decided it’s a good thing to just snap your fingers, go back in time and fix it all? Huh? The world would go mad, with all of us changing the past and the future….”

                “I am well aware, Granger, you don’t have to lecture me about it…”

                “Yet still you wanted to do this! Do you think it never crossed my mind to go back in time and save my parents from the fate I gave them? Don’t you think Ron would go back with no hesitation, just to save his brother? Hell, maybe even Harry would be tempted to stop Voldemort from killing his parents… “

                “I know, Granger, I know…” He sighed, heavily, suddenly feeling the weight of all of it on his shoulders, the weight of what could have happened if his one selfish choice would destroy the whole world. “There was too much to lose, even if it meant sacrificing her yet again…”

                “Draco…” Hermione took a step closer and reached out to him, grabbing his hand in her palms and smiling weakly to him, hoping that this simple gesture could be enough reassurance. “You did the right thing. I know it may hurt and I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, but I am sure that Astoria wouldn’t want you to…

                “Astoria?” He interrupted her, raising an eyebrow in a shock. “And what does she have to do with it?”

                Hermione blinked, surprised.

                “I thought… I thought you wanted to go back in time to save her. To prevent the curse that took her away…”

                “No…” Draco shook his head. “It was never about Astoria, but… Huh… I understand why could you think it was…” For a moment he fell silent, before he snorted suddenly. “You know, for being the brightest witch of your generation you really are clueless sometimes, Granger…” He smirked and Hermione rolled her eyes.

                “Yeah, yeah…” She rolled them again. “But… If it wasn’t her… Why did you need that time turner so badly?” She asked, her big brown eyes looking at him. “What was so important that you were willing to jeopardize our world for it? _Who_ was that important?”

_You… It’s always been you…_

_How much he wanted to tell her… How much he wanted to admit the deepest cravings of his selfish heart… How tempting it was to tell her, that it was always her, that it will always be her… And that he was willing to sacrifice almost everything, his life, his work, the world he knew, just so he could get a single chance with her. He was so close and yet still so far away… But when he was one move of his fingers away from going back in time, when his eyes could practically see his younger self, he understood that he couldn’t do this… He couldn’t destroy everyone’s future, just so his one craving, one wish, would be fulfilled…_

                “Draco?” Hermione’s voice brought him back to reality and he sighed, shaking his head.

                “It doesn’t matter anymore…” He tried to smile, but by the way she frowned he could guess that it was barely a faint imitation of a one. “It’s been a long time ago…”

                “You wanted to jeopardize the world we know, just for one person. Don’t you think it is important enough? And that I have a right to know? I am your friend, Draco, for Godric’s sake!”

_A friend…_

_This word meant so much to him and yet at the same time felt like a dagger right into his heart... How much he always wished to be someone more than just this friend, how many sleepless nights, spent on wondering, how many daydreams about them, being together? And then, somewhere along the way he lost it all, lost that chance of ever calling her more than a friend. So after years that has passed he had to learn to appreciate at least this, the friendship she was willing to offer, and the one he cherished so much, throughout the years. But after that innocent Scorpius question, after he awoke all those memories that were buried inside him for such a long time… He realized that being ‘just a friend’ was never enough._

                He raised his sight and their eyes locked with each other, just like they once did, a long, _long_ time ago… Her deep brown eyes, always so soft, always so gentle, looking at him with this strange warmth that always surprised him that much. And his, blue, cold, always unreadable for strangers and always so full of something else, something warm, whenever he was looking at her… They were standing like this for a longer moment, eyes never leaving each other, both of them suddenly lost in this strange moment between them.

                Her hands were still covering his own, her thumb gently stroking the top of his palm, almost absentmindedly, the warmth of her skin against skin being so soothing, so calming and just feeling… _right._ He took a step closer towards her, his tall figure hovering over her so that she had to raised her head even more to meet his gaze and her lips parted, just slightly, almost like she wanted to say something, but decided not to, or maybe just like she expected he would…

                And in that moment he understood that if he’d ever wanted a chance to fix things, if he’d ever wanted occasion to admit the cravings of his heart, _this_ was exactly the moment to do this. _This_ was his chance to stop being a coward, to finally pick the right choice, at least once in his life.

                “You, Hermione.” He finally said.

                “Me?”

                “You asked me for whom was I willing to sacrifice everything. And here’s your answer. It was for you. _Always you._ ”

                To say that she was surprised would be the biggest understatement of the year. If it’s possible her already widened eyes opened even more and her mouth opened in a shock, closing, then opening again, her throat dry and heart in her chest beating like crazy when she was still trying to understand the meaning of his last words.

                “Me?” She finally managed to ask. “But… How?”

                “Do you remember, Hermione? Do you remember when we were still at school? Do you remember _us_? All those moments in between? Every smile? Every brush of our hands? Every gaze we shoot each other when we thought no one was looking? Because I do. I could never forget and I will never be able to…”

                “But… But why me?”

                “You were the first one who saw me, _the real me_ , the first one who decided to look past all my barriers and when I thought I couldn’t do it, that I couldn’t deal with another day… You were always there… To remind me that I can…”

                Her eyes were once again locked with each other until Hermione averted her eyes, unable to stand his gaze anymore.

                “Why now, Draco? After all those years…” She shook her head. “Why telling me now?”

                “We’re not getting any younger, Hermione. And after years of wondering, of tormenting myself with all ‘what ifs’ I finally want to know the truth…” If it’s possible he came even closer to her. “I just need to know… All those years ago… When we were back at school… Was there… Was there anything between us?” He asked, their eyes meeting again.

               He had to know, needed to know if all those memories, all those dreams and wishes, were worth it? He needed to know if there was ever anything between them, if she ever looked at him the way he looked at her? Or was it all just his wishful thinking? Just a naïve heart of a boy who for the first time is his life felt loved and wanted to hold onto this feeling as strong as possibly, not caring if it was real or not? Maybe his lonely heart, for all those years, craved for something that wasn’t even there in first place?  And if he couldn’t change the past, if he didn’t want to change it, at least he needed to know if all those sleepless nights, all those times she, or the memory of her, was the only thing keeping him sane, if all of this was worth it…

               He was watching her carefully, when she opened her mouth and then closed it slowly, still speechless, unable to say anything to him, her own battle happening between her common sense and her heart, suddenly remembering who was it craving for once.

                “I’m not asking for any commitments, Hermione… I’m not asking for confessions, for suddenly getting the second chance, but… I just want to know that I am not crazy, that I never was, for wanting something more from you… That I am not crazy for thinking that maybe, in another life, in another time, we could stand a chance…” A pure hope so visible in his eyes was so painful, Hermione could practically feel something grabbing her throat, clenching around it, making it unable to speak.

_Yes. Yes, we could stand a chance…_

                How hard was saying those simple words, how hard was it to admit it, how hard was it to simply nod, telling him the whole truth, that _yes_ , there was always something… Something that they both decided to decline, something too surprising, too dangerous, too impossible to let them risk everything just to grab onto this fleeting happiness they once had together.

_Yes._

                Just a simple word, which would save his broken heart, which maybe would give him the relief he wanted, _needed_ so badly. And yet the word she couldn’t say right now, her clenched throat making it unable to blurt it out, not even whisper it. Because saying it out loud would mean admitting to the biggest failure of her life. It would mean admitting that she gave up, didn’t fight strong enough, for the first and only time in her life being a coward she never wanted to be.

                She was so afraid back then, terrified by what she was feeling and terrified by the strength of those feelings, bursting out in her heart whenever she caught him looking at her, that unexpected softness appearing in his usually cold eyes. Could it be? Could she be helplessly in love with someone she always saw only as her biggest enemy? Could it be that her heart chose to decide against her will, against her reasonable brain, turning her whole world upside down? She was always seeing herself as a reasonable person, all of her actions conducted by her brain, always choosing the most rational options, which allowed her to always keep her cool, even in the most stressful situations. So when against everything she ever believed, when against every rational cell in her body, her heart decided to fell for someone, she would never consciously bat an eye on, she was not only shocked, but terrified. Not knowing what to do with those feelings she decided to ignore them, decided to pretend there was never anything between them. But oh, how hard was it, when throughout her years in Hogwart he was only showing her the softer and more vulnerable side of him? How could she deny her attraction when he was opening up in front of her, making her even harder to pretend she hates him? How could she pretend she felt nothing, when every cell of her body felt drawn to him?

                She even thought, at one point, they might stand a chance, that when the school will end, when this madness will be over, they will be able to try to be together.  But then… During the battle… When he chose the other side… Part of her knew that he had no choice, she knew that him staying with them would be a death wish for him but it still hurt so bad… It hurt so bad, when she realized that no matter what he was feeling for her, she was always at the second place, never the priority. So she learned how to live without him, she moved on, finding that illusion of safety and love right beside Ron’s side. And it worked, it worked really well, every day being a denial of her true feelings, hidden deep inside her heart, hoping, hell, being almost sure, that Draco already forgot about her…

                And now he was standing in front of her _again_ , this time admitting to his feelings, for the first time in his life admitting to them, not only reminding her of what they once had, but making her doubt every single choice in her life… Hermione found the courage to look into his eyes once again and she felt something sting her heart when she realized that his hope, moments ago so visible in his eyes, was slowly fading away, disappearing, replaced by his cold, unreadable gaze once again, when her long silence was for him an indication that she never felt the same way as he did…

                Before he took a step back and moved away, she reached out to him, placing her trembling hand on his cheek and lifting her lips in a weak smile she slowly brushed her thumb against his skin.

                “You’re not crazy…” She whispered, her sad, longing gaze moving across his face, once again thinking about the chance they had lost and the chance that will never come back. “If things would have gone differently, then maybe…” She hung her voice, unable to end this sentence.

_What was the point of dwelling on the past when she couldn’t change it? When they couldn’t change it?_

                But there it was, the same ‘maybe’, making them both think of all those chances they lost, of all those alternatives they could have chosen. That ‘maybe’ making them wonder what would happen if in another time, in another life, they would be together… Draco placed his hand on Hermione’s palm and pressed it closer to his skin, closing his eyes and letting himself drown in this moment, another moment in between, another minute when he could pretend that the outer world didn’t exist and they could be the two of them, just the two of them… They were standing like this for a moment, before finally he took her hand away and raised it to his lips, kissing the top of it gently, another weak smile appearing on his face.

                “Guess we will never know for sure, huh?” His eyes squinted softly, when he smiled again and with a mixed feelings she saw a wrinkles in the corners of them, making her heart ache again, reminding her just how many time has passed and just for how long they were losing their chances…

                Until finally Draco let go of her hands, taking a step back and it seemed like he found his peace, like he finally made amends with his fate, knowing that he lost his chance, that _they_ lost their chance but at least he was never crazy and his feelings _were_ reciprocated. Hermione could helplessly watch as he turned around, already reaching out for the door handle and then she realized she was opening her mouth, words leaving her lips without second thought.

                “I’m getting divorced.”

                She could see his body tensed and he stopped abruptly in one place, before slowly, _oh, so slowly_ , he turned around, his eyes looking for her gaze, looking for the confirmation that he indeed heard her properly.

                “Ron and I… We’re getting divorced…” She repeated, breathing out the air stored in her lungs, not even realizing that she was holding one.

                His eyebrows raised, his eyes silently asking her a question while at the same time showing pure interest and surprise.

                “I’m… I’m sorry to hear that…” He cleared his throat. “But… Why are you telling me this?”

                “Because I am tired of fighting… Tired of fighting with this feelings, tired of denying that I’ve never cared for you, tired of pretending to be happy…” Hermione sighed heavily, suddenly looking tired, so very tired. “I was denying my heart for my whole life and I’m done with it…” She shook her head before taking a deep breath and straightening her back. “I can’t promise you anything, Draco, not right now, not when my life is still a mess, but… If you’re willing to wait, just a little more, then maybe…”

                In a blink of an eye he was in front of her again, this time his eyes shining with hope, when he was incapable of containing it anymore. He reached out to her, hands placing on her cheeks, when he lifted her face gently, thumbs stroking her skin.

                “I’ve waited more than twenty years for you, Granger. I am willing to wait a few more…” He said before leaning down and capturing her lips in a kiss.

                He didn’t care if it was the right thing to do, if it was the right time and place, but he denied himself for such a long time and when she was standing in front of him right now, telling him that after everything they’ve been through, after everything that had happened, they still could have a future together… _He couldn’t resist anymore._

                Her lips were soft and warm, feeling even better than he could ever imagine, their breaths mixing together when their mouth met again and again, once they started, never wanting to stop. It felt almost like eternity back then, when they lost time, lost themselves in each other’s kisses, touches, scents… Limbs together, trying to pull the other person even closer, trying to eliminate every existing space between them, his hands on her waist and her back, pressing her warm body closer to him and hers, sinking into his hair, tangling between his strands, gently stroking them, feeling his heartbeat against her chest, both of their hearts beating in the same rhythm now.

                It was like finding a home. After all this time of being lost, coming back to the place they once knew, place they loved so much, place so familiar and… safe.

                That one kiss was a fulfilled dream they both shared for such a long time; the reunion of two people, lost throughout the time, finally finding themselves; the kiss being the epilogue of their past lives. _And a promise of more to come._

               

_Maybe he never needed that time turner after all…_

 

 


End file.
